Warning! This post contains significant spoilers. Read only if you don’t mind that. Well, you’ve been warned about the spoilers. First, I have to confess. I did not really want to go watch Fury all that much. I don’t even like war movies, but what really turned me off was the constant Wargaming hype. Fury here, Fury there, Fury fucking everywhere. I hate hype, because it usually means the product itself is poor and even if it is not, it almost never lives up to the hype anyway. But… I have a tank blog, so I guess it could not be avoided, since this was promoted everywhere as “THE” tank movie. Of course, by this time, a lot of people have already seen the movie, so I guess it won’t be anything new for many of you. A really weird thing were the Czech subtitles by the way – the person, who made them clearly had absolutely no clue what they are talking about, they just got a few technical terms translated to Czech and used them incorrectly. Oh well. The movie starts with explaining to you, how much American tanks sucked compared to the German ones and how “terribly outmatched” were the Americans in armor. That of course is crap and I am starting to sense that cold dread of Belton Cooper being channelled, but don’t worry, it won’t matter that much, because there are literally three minutes (maybe even less) of tank vs tank combat in the movie. The movie shows a story of Brad Pitt (his character is called “Don” or “Wardaddy”, hell if I know why) and his crew. There are four other crewmembers – a dirty guy, I don’t remember his name, so I’ll call him Fuckface, because I really don’t like the actor (I don’t like Brad Pitt either, but I like this actor even less). Then there is the hated Shia LeBoeuf as “Bible” (considering his reputation, he did a pretty good job on his role), who is a hardcore Christian gunner and the driver is a Mexican called Garcia. Odd thing – weren’t the hispanic people segregated in WW2 in separate units like the black people? Anyway, the last crewmember’s name is Norman (bow machinegunner aka “assistant driver”). Pitt and his crew minus Normal roll to an American camp, where Norman joins them and his first job is to clean the rest of his predecessor from the tank – and by “the rest” I mean a torn-off half of his face, so my first thought was “oh, it’s THIS kind of movie” – luckily, while brutal, the violence (initially) doesn’t feel pointless. The movie was advertised as authentic and gritty. Just to be sure, before the movie, I intentionally lowered my realism expectations and would be happy to settle with something like “grittier private Ryan”. Unfortunately, the authenticity in the mind of the director is apparently filling the tank with complete assholes, especially Fuckface and Mexican are pretty bad and Pitt’s character is deranged, most of his dialogues involve him explaining how he likes to kill Germans. The reason WHY he likes to kill them was never exactly explained, although in one scene, his back was shown bearing healed burns, so that might be it. You know how I hate nazis – with that being said, roughly 15 minutes into the movie, I started cheering for the Germans. I don’t remember ever watching a movie, where the main characters were less likeable, but whatever, it’s the director’s choice. If however this part was indeed “authentic”, I think that US tank crewmember suicides and murders of other crewmembers would make a very interesting topic for a serious historical study. Anyway, with the newbie on board, the crew is tasked with killing some Germans somewhere (movie doesn’t use location names, so it’s just “go there and save our troopers pinned by the Germans”). This is where the “fun” starts. For one, the tracers in the movie look like fucking Star Wars blasts, especially the green German ones. In daylight. Tracers came in different colours, that’s fine, but they are too bright and to say it looks odd would be an understatement. Germans traditionally can’t really hit anything, they have a bunch of 75mm AT guns in the forest, which are firing all over the place, missing the slowly moving unobstructed tanks in the middle of an open field. A little historical note. The fact that they can’t hit anything could be because at that point, the situation of German troops was pretty much hopeless. Germany was practically defeated from 1943 onwards (only delaying the inevitable) and by early 1945, they were really scraping the bottom of the barrel. The men were untrained and underequipped, hence my earlier surprise regarding the decision to put the movie to April 1945. Fighting a bunch of green conscripts usually doesn’t make an epic story (all the while everyone in the movie was for some reason acting as if America was practically losing). Anyway, back to the movie. So naturally a tank platoon with Brad Pitt in charge steamrolls the laser-wielding Germans and saves the American troops, who then gleefuly execute the German soldiers trying to give up. Realism, remember? The entire lovely scene ends with Brad Pitt forcing Norman to execute an unarmed prisoner begging for his life. Now, make no mistake – “no prisoners” situations happened in WW2 of course. But a cold-blooded POW execution? The director clearly wanted to make the Americans look like the biggest assholes possible (not even mentioning looting the German bodies, but that was common). Oh yes and one more thing – did you know that when hit by a HE shell, a German PaK EXPLODES? I don’t mean normal HE effect, I mean “hit by a one-ton-bomb effect”. Because that’s exactly what happened when the tanks started firing in general PaK direction. And I almost forgot, at one point the leading tank of the platoon is attacked by a HEAT round (probably Panzerfaust), wielded by the kid. The Sherman of course starts burning immediately, cooking the crew (Belton Cooper would be proud). City Interlude After this action, Pitt and his tank move to a German city. Here, another strange scene takes place. Pitt’s character speaks German for some reason (no story explanation given) and drives around the hostile city unbuttoned on top of the turret. He asks an old German man where are the German soldiers. The old German man actually showed him (!), at which point he was shot by a German sniper. You know, being a German sniper, having the chance to execute a commander of the leading tank, what Continue reading →

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